The Things That Have Happened, The Things That Occur

There’s a certain phenomenon that pretty much anyone who wants to do something experiences. What’ll happen is you’ll be experiencing something that you connect with. An artist will be at an art gallery, an athlete will be at a sports game, an actor will be watching a play. It’ll be the best of it’s kind, something top notch and undeniably appreciable. But you can’t stand it. But not because the product is bad, but because you understand it. It vibrates with you on a wavelength so perfectly in tune with your life goals and desires. You understand the content, and you understand the creator–and you realize that that person needs to be you. Your heart aches for greatness, to express your thoughts and to show people just what you’re capable of doing. But for whatever reason, you can’t. Maybe it’s needing to complete school, or waiting to make the team, or trying to score some more auditions or something. But something’s holding you back. You’re stuck there; you can’t move. And you resign yourself to persisting to try to progress while you watch someone else do whatever it is you love on a level you can only hope for.

I’ve been stuck in that zone for a while, a long while, and now I’m finally breaking through.

The past several weeks have been eventful for me, and insightful. Both in the way things have played out and the actual things that have happened. I’ve been tried and tested and had several firsts and learning experiences. And I’ve wanted nothing more than to divulge it all on here, to freely express my thoughts on one of the best platforms on the internet for doing so. But, running a website like this, you sort of become a curator at the same time. Your site is a museum and you decide the pieces, the exhibits and everything. You work so hard on it and you try so hard to please; you don’t want to muck it up. So you filter out a lot of the stuff that you wish so sincerely that you could show, because you think it’ll make it better for everyone. For me, it’s taken the form of filtering out a lot of the personal stuff I wish I could post, for the sake of quality control here on this blog, and the desire for it to be about more than myself. But I feel now that that makes the whole thing feel a bit too impersonal, and while I will maintain this quality control, I’ll keep you more informed about my life in the future. For now, here’s a quick rundown.

I’ve been super busy with life recently, focusing a lot on myself. Financial problems due to my parents’ divorce has caused a lot of personal changes that have had varying amounts of ramifications throughout my life. Especially starting late last summer, money for me has been tight, and I’ve had to save and improvise in areas that I haven’t before. Financial freedom is something that has been different for me. Without going into too much detail, a several different factors have caused these difficulties, and although I’m working hard to fix them, they’ve taken their toll.

The first eventful thing that happened was that I got a job at Target. It was okay, besides my shitty ableist coworkers. I got fired a few weeks afterwards, but it was deeply unjust, so I decided to sue the company. That’ll be a whole other post on it’s own, though; you can rest assured that the issue will get it’s own post once the issue is settled. I also rekindled relationships with several friends. I’ve started talking with those that I used to talk to a lot, those that I never thought I’d talk to, and those I never thought I’d talk to again. Both friends and enemies alike, old issues were brought up and settled. Some of these issues will be brought up again in the future, too.

This has also marked a huge era of progress and recovery for me. Record lows in depression, loneliness, and other things that I’d been known to suffer from. But one of the biggest things in my life these past few weeks has been my plans for this website. I plan to turn this into something much bigger and better than what I ever thought it could be. You’ll know exactly what I mean very soon in the future, but I’ve been investing large amounts of my time into it. I have to, in order to fulfill that burning desire mentioned at the beginning of this article. Ideas, thoughts, and all my hopes in life will all come together in one project–although calling it a “project” seems like an understatement.

Lastly, my birthday is happening on Monday. I will turn 20 years old. One thing I’m prone to is trying to scramble to do 1,000 things to prepare, because I feel like I have to commemorate the event. No longer a teenager, I feel like it’s especially important to do that now. What I want to do is this thing, a practice wherein you write a letter to yourself in the future, so your future self can read it and see how much you’ve changed. I want to do some form of that, but for varying lengths of time. Like one for 1 year from now, one for 5 years, and so on. I want to also start some sort of birthday tradition, too. As you can see, memories are one of my best friends.

More content and important information should be coming up soon, so watch out for that. And to clarify; I feel fine and all, I just definitely have to get some things in order. I’m sure you all have been itching to see more, and of course, I will deliver. Hang tight and stay sane, and just to let you know, your thoughts are real.

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My First Month As A College Student

I became a college student this week.

Yes, it’s true, and I can imagine what you’re thinking right now. “It’s the end of September! What kind of school are you going to that starts their classes so late?”. And if I were you, I’d be thinking the exact same thing. But I will explain.

My classes did in fact start last month – August 28th, to be exact. It happened, but I’d say that I was quite unprepared for college. The summer was not focused on my education, but rather my excessive sleep and several empty promises. I sort of lost my way, I guess. High school tired me out so much and I didn’t know what exactly I wanted to do with myself. I didn’t even decide for sure where I was going to college until early/mid August, and before then, my plan was to just get a job, earn some money and go with the flow. But it wasn’t as easy or as simple as I thought. I had to choose college in order to have some order and a foundation in my life.

A week before classes started and it finally sunk in what was going to happen. College. The official next big step in my life. I’d be looking back at it for my entire life, no doubt. Though I wasn’t prepared and I didn’t like the idea, I decided to just go through the motions, do what I could. “Do what you gotta do so you can do what you wanna do.”

Well, in short, it wasn’t so hot at first. The first day felt normal in an odd way; I hadn’t at all absorbed what was going on. I wasn’t as there as I should’ve been. The whole week was like that, and I just went along with it, treating it as something that I had to just get up and do. And I thought that that would be the whole college experience, and I was thoroughly disappointed. I felt like I didn’t fit in there, like everyone knew what they were doing besides me.

But things got better on their own. Earlier on I’d agreed with myself that I’d try my hardest to make something out of the college experience, to not squander it and get good grades and to actually do something. So I guess that’s when I started having to implement it. More and more work got assigned, and I had to adapt.

And this week is when I realized, it happened. It wasn’t like I instantly became aware and successful in college life, but that I came to a realization. It was just after class on Wednesday, and I was sitting right outside of the library, and I was thinking about all the things I had done. I just left class early. I worked on my homework and studied by myself. I saw a cute girl and wanted to say hi. I evaluated what my days had been spent doing and I realized: I was a college student. The way I acted and the things I did finally reflected it. At that moment I felt it, and it was different than how I’d felt on the 28th of August. And it was okay.

Now I hope I’ve avoided turning this into a meaningless babble about my recent college experience. But I hope you guys understand my feelings, and I’d love to know if any of you have been through anything similar. Comment below with questions or comments; I love to hear about other people’s experiences as well.

What my life has been recently

Hello all! Whatever has brought you to this blog to continue reading my posts, whether it be my life, my traveling, or my writing, I greatly appreciate you being here.

As of right now, posting on here has been difficult. It’s not that I don’t want to post, it’s that I don’t have much time to do it. College admissions, schoolwork, my writing, and taking care of my mental health have been my top priorities and have thus been taking up the most of my time. Honesty is beautiful when it comes to my fans and my viewers, and honestly, life has been very stressful these past several weeks. Hence, I’ve found myself with the inability to post nearly as much as I want to.

That being said, I expect things to pick up in a few weeks, at least. Finishing high school on the 26th of this May, I’ll have a lot more time and energy to focus on my blogging and my writing career—my passion in life and the main thing I want to do with myself.

To make things clear, I’m not going on a hiatus or anything; I just think I owe you guys an explanation, and that’s what this is. I’ve made a promise to always be as open and honest as possible with my viewers, and even though I’m in the beginning stages, this is no exception. I appreciate all of the support you have given me thus far, and will continue to give me in the future!